About A Boy… A Cowboy

Relationships are hard!

It is only in recent times that I’ve been open to love. Of course, like every little girl growing up, I’ve always been in love with the idea of being in love, but have never actually opened myself up to it.

This post has been a few months coming… though I’m not quite sure what took me so long to write it. Maybe I felt as if, if I said it out loud or revealed it to the public forum that is the world-wide web, I would somehow jinx it…

I’m in love… with a cowboy.

About fifteen years ago or so, this fellow moseyed into my life. But at the time I had no clue that those childhood moments of roaming the streets of Hope Pastures and swimming in a water tank, would somehow bring me to this point. Who would have thought that the exchange of letters, back and forth would ignite in two people a connection that led them to be reunited over a decade after they had lost touch? From snail mail to Facebook, I can no longer deny what began so many years ago, puppy-love between two adolescents, has now reared its head as the perfect match of two grown, mature adults.

I smile every time I think about him… the dimple in his left cheek… the way he grabs my face to kiss it, as if he missed me terribly, and didn’t do the very same act only moments before… the way he steals a quick stroke of my leg while he’s driving, right before he changes the gear.

And me? I catch myself watching him while he sleeps… wondering what it would be like to kiss him, though I already know… trying to figure out what else I could possibly do to make him happy, because I want him to be happy – and he assures me, he is.

He is supportive and honest; nurturing and protective; gentle, yet firm; a planner, a thinker, a go-getter, and I admire him immensely.

It’s the first time I’ve truly been content, smiling to myself because I know what a ‘catch’ I have, and can clearly see the blissful future that awaits us, though be it far down the line…  and he too appreciates that I am quite a ‘catch’ as well, and am everything that he wants a woman… his woman to be.

So why then do women (like me) try to do things to jeopardise their happiness?

It’s as if I do or say terrible things as a means of ‘pinching myself’ to see if it’s true. Well, let me tell you, I got a helluva reality check last night and this morning, and there shall be no more pinching!!!

Even with my fight-picking, he forgives. He doesn’t easily reconcile, but he’s not afraid to call me on my BS or to “hurt my feelings”, after all, he has feelings too.

I’m definitely learning an important lesson on what it is to share, be thoughtful, giving, respectful and caring about someone other than yourself… because it’s crystal clear to me at this moment, that I am not in this [relationship] alone.

And for the first time I don’t get what I want, and it’s okay… but I will get what I truly deserve – a good man.

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A Wedding & A Funeral

The month of April was one filled with much happiness, as my sister Lizzy took to the aisle and said “I do…” to the love of her life, John-Matthew Sinclair. It was a beautiful affair, never mind the drops of rain that began as soon as we stepped into the car to make our way to the church. This is what Lizzy had dreaded the most, which is why she arranged everything to take place indoors – both ceremony and reception. It was only the photographs to be taken at Devon House that were now a concern, though be it a minor one.

Red blooms filled the church, and the bevy of beauties that was her bridal party came in one by one (quite a bunch of ‘lookers’ if I do say so myself!). Then the doors closed and it was time for her to enter.

Now if you know my sister, it was her dream to have Beres Hammond sing “Hey little girl each time you passed my way I’m tempted to touch…”. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to book (or afford for that matter) Mr Hammond, so she did the next best thing… and as the doors of Stella Maris Roman Catholic Church opened, the talented steel-pan band (accompanied by the talented Dwight Richards) began the melody for said song, much to the surprise of guests who were not only blown away by the music, but by the vision that was my little sister, who entered the church amid “oohs” and “aahs”. Even Father Michael seemed to join John-Matthew in a moment of breathlessness, and was compelled to comment before the ceremony even began, that he had never seen Elizabeth look more beautiful.

I can’t take you through every moment of what took place at the ceremony, however I will say that there were a few tears by some, while others tried hard to hold them back.

And wouldn’t you know it, as soon as the ceremony ended, the rain stopped. It was truly a blessing.

Beautiful photos were taken by photographer Gary James in the grand ballroom of the Devon House Mansion, on the front steps, in the courtyard as well as in wine bar, Bin26. (When I get permission, I’ll put up a slideshow).

And, in all it was a truly wondrous occasion, and I’ve never seen two people in such bliss as this newly married couple. Everything was… perfect.

There was only one thing missing, and that was the presence of our cousin Shawna, who the week before, on Easter Sunday, passed away.

It’s been very difficult for me to talk about it… even more difficult to face the fact that she’s no longer with us. She was after all, like a sister to us, especially Lizzy who was closest to her (in age and in friendship) and shared much with her… in particular, raising her daughter Sierra.

It’s funny how my travel and personal plans were put on hold, because if all had gone as scheduled, I would not have been there for her funeral, for her send-off. I believe things really do happen for a reason, and I was happy that I was there… to support my family, and to come to terms with my own grief and loss.

There was much sadness following Lizzy’s wedding (the funeral service took place the following Saturday), but happiness as well, in that a part of Shawna still remains with us… in Sierra… who is such a beautiful little girl, who is so much wiser than her mere 6 years.

And we will all be sure to tell her stories about her mother, the great times we shared, and teach her the ways of being a lady, being generous and kind, honest and mannerly, just as her mother would have wanted and liked.

In closing, there’s not much left to say… except live in love, and God will do the rest.

April 2011

To say that the month of April was challenging, is certainly putting it mildly. There were many moments of closed eyes, deeps breaths and admittedly, sporadic teary episodes when frankly I didn’t know what else to do!

On March 31 I went to an assignment for work. This followed a previous event I had covered, and it should have been a quick ‘in and out’. I wasn’t even there for two hours, however when I walked outside to leave, the spot where I had parked my mother’s car was empty. I’ve never felt such a feeling in the pit of my stomach… and it was with good reason, for in the trunk of the car were all my worldly possessions – netbook, camera (my livelihood… the way I make my living), my purse with my ID cards, credit card, ABM cards, too much cash, that I was to have deposited in the bank that day, and my passport (for my impending visit to Cowboy). *BIG sigh*

At this point it seemed that my world had come to an end.

But it didn’t.

And this was the reminder that was constantly drilled into my head, for in fact, the outcome of that event could have been very different.

In attempting to replace all my lost documents, I learnt several very valuable lessons. (You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to get anything done in Jamaica by the way. I don’t wish the loss of of a licence, passport or visa on anyone!)

1. Prayer calms you… when you feel like there is absolutely no one else to turn to, TRUST ME, HE is there!
2. I am not alone – I am SO grateful for the great friends that I have, who were extremely helpful to me along the way.
3. NEVER underestimate the kindness of a stranger. I can’t tell you the number of persons who have offered their assistance… people who don’t know me, are not my ‘friends’, who simply wanted to be helpful and asked for nothing in return.
4. Faith is what gets you through each day; it gives you the encouragement to know that things will work out just the way they are supposed to.
5. Never do anything in haste. You may not see the reason in things, but sometimes it’s best to let life run its course. Que sera, sera.
6. Be patient – this is not my forte, but what else am I to do? Yes… I found solace in #1 🙂
7. I am loved, and people care.
8. Give thanks… ALWAYS.

Since my ‘heart-breaking’ incident, I’ve replaced all my documents. The final piece, my US visa should be ready for collection this week. A ‘friend’ bought me a new netbook, and all that I need now is to replace my camera so that I may pursue my new love, my new career as a photographer.

All was not lost when the car and my things were stolen. In fact, much was ‘found’ in the aftermath. I’ve discovered that I possess something more valuable that cannot be measured for its worth…

My sincerest thanks to Tara, Sharon, Kim, Kat and Gary. And Kurt, I appreciate you more than you know…

What began as a seemingly devastating moment in my life is now in the past, and the future offers nothing but promise.

People can take away material things, they can do all they can to try to hold you back and get you down, but they can’t take away your talents, your will to succeed. I am still in control… I have my hands, my mind, my heart. My boss said to me that the Lord never gives you more than you can bear… and now I’ve overcome this hurdle and I’m ready for the next.

Still Living & Loving…

Photo: Gary James